granted i vowed to not get personal on this blog but tonight i can't help it. today has been one of the longest and worst days i've had in a while. granted i know that everything that happened today is horribly petty compared to how bad life really could be, but sometimes i'm selfish and just want to mope.
tonight i realized that everyone i know is single and completely miserable. now i know that being in a relationship doesn't equal happiness, but right now i feel like it sure would help. i mean it has been years since i've even had any one to be interested in. and that is awful. i guess it is just slim pickings right now.
but good grief, this year i've had do deal with more break ups that weren't my own than i have ever had before. i have been the rock for so many of my dear friends, and while i'm happy to do so - when does it pay off for me?
maybe i'm just impatient and being horribly jealous, but seriously when do i get what i want. or at least something i think that i want. i guess i just haven't put in the effort. but i thought things were supposed to happen when you don't try? or do you have to work your ass off to get anywhere? i don't know, i'm confused. i don't know how to act at this age, what to think or what i should "expect." then again i'm sure i'm not alone.
i just want to get happy, and right now the solution seems to be a boy. odds are i'm totally wrong and just being pessimistic but this whole waiting ordeal is getting old.
odds are i'm just in a shitty mood and making it shitty-er by thinking of this crap.
i mean when it rains it pours right?